Penance
by mychemicalbitchbot
Summary: When a life is taken there is a price attached. Shion struggles under a weight he's not sure he can lift. Shion/Nezumi.


**I just watched the anime today, so I'm not too comfortable with the characters yet. I'm still shaping them in my head, sorry if they lack some form. Enjoy!**

The decayed road was blurry, thick with rain as the night dawned. It wasn't a safe time to be out, nor was it a safe place, corruption and greed heavy in the air. The usual business was being conducted; kisses for coins, entertainment for the gold pieces. There was hardly anything of interest on the street, not that the white-haired male noticed, running haphazardly through the lanes, shoulders colliding with easily angered or apathetic strangers. He didn't want to slow down. No, he couldn't.

His lungs were reaching for air, desperate, as he exhausted himself with his plight. He had to get away, for a minute. Away from Nezumi and his twisted words. It was his own fault, of course, but the accusing glare and anger surrounding them had been to much for him to handle. Shion couldn't get the simple phrases, the agonizing scrutinies out of his head.

_"At least _I _never looked someone in the eyes and shot to kill."_

He hadn't wanted to think about it. Nezumi knew that. He fucking _knew_ it was a soft spot. It wasn't as if Shion hadn't hit a few of his, but still, it was a particularly low blow. Nezumi had never sunk to that kind of petty anger before.

The worst part was that it had happened, seemingly, over nothing. It had been three months since the walls had disappeared, and it had all boiled over. The tense moments between them in the correction facility, forgotten in the honeymoon of being alive. It hadn't been about anything important, just nothing and everything, that it eventually turned rotten.

Shion was sorry about what he said, he knew Nezumi hadn't deserved the uncharacteristic taunts. He didn't know if Nezumi would be sorry,but it didn't matter, because a new bitterness was filling his stomach. He didn't want to be reminded of his kill. He wanted to forget it the way Nezumi had told him to forget No. 6. But it was there, when he fell asleep, when he turned the pages of _The Tempest_ for Karan and the other children that had accumulated.

He felt it when he saw his mother, and Nezumi himself was a grim reminder. It was his own fault, really, he knew that, he took the shot. But all he'd been thinking about was Nezumi. The rat. It had seemed so important at the time, to completely eradicate any threat to the dark-haired forest folk. He wished he'd only taken the first shot, not stained his hands, quite literally, in the blood from a soldier's death.

He stopped running, reaching the line where the wall used to separate the _inside_ from the _outside_. There was still some of the structure there, and he walked along it, his fingers touching the stone like they were tracing the mundane design. It didn't matter.

He stopped, his body convulsing. He grasped the wall for support as he leaned over, his body heaving up the dinner he'd made. He felt the lumps of the softened carrots and potatoes pass back through his lips, the acidic smell unforgiving to his nose. He hated retching like that.

The spasms of vomiting stayed with him, unpleasantly, for a minute as he remained leaned down over his own mess, trying to pick himself up. He was _fine. _Or, he would be. Hopefully. If Nezumi would forgive him... he had been far from kind, and to think, they'd been arguing about how much salt Shion had put into the damn stew.

They'd obviously need to work some things out if they were going to continue living together. Shion laughed a little at that. It was an understatement. He shuddered, after the laugh. He shouldn't have been laughing. Not when he'd had brains splattered on him not so long ago. He was a sick individual. He wanted to cry.

"Stop beating yourself up about it," came a voice from behind him. He turned, recognizing the dark hair and melodic voice. "It's not your fault."

"But, it_ is _my fault. I killed him," Shion responded, not quite meeting Nezumi's eyes. "I am directly responsible. What I did was... unforgivable."

Nezumi started forward, pushing closer to the red-marked man. "No. Look at me."

Shion didn't want to look at him. He wanted to disappear, to curl up somewhere and never leave. It was all his fault, as it should have been. He was so fucked in the head.

Irritated, Nezumi forced Shion's chin up with his lightly calloused, battle-ready hands. "Stop it. Don't go feeling sorry for yourself. He would have died anyway, with no way out as the correction facility collapsed."

"I didn't know that. For all I knew, that man could have gone back to his kids, to his life... and I stopped that because I wanted..."

"Don't romanticize his life. You don't know him. All of the people I shot are dead. You just... Made it more immediate." Nezumi shifted, almost awkwardly, holding his grey gaze with Shion's perturbed red.

"But..."

"But what? Is there something else?" Nezumi asked, nearing impatience. "Shion, spit it out. We can't let this come between us forever."

Shion broke the eye contact, looking away. He knew what bothered him most about the incident, the face that flashed in all of his nightmares. "I just... I'm scared. I didn't kill him for Safu. I did it because I was afraid I'd lose you. And now, I think, that if I get to close to you and something happens again... I couldn't handle it if something happened to you, Nezumi. I don't want to lose you. I don't want to think about what I would do."

Nezumi chuckled, causing Shion to look up at him indignantly. "Don't patronize me."

"I'm not, I'm not... It's just, we've gone in a circle, haven't we? You're the one pushing. But don't worry. I'm not going anywhere."

Shion searched his eyes for any hint of a lie, but he couldn't find one. "Promise?"

Nezumi chuckled. "Yeah, I promise."

They knew they'd lose each other one day, but they'd fight as long as they could and that was what mattered. They'd worry about it when it came. They knew nothing would ever last forever, but that didn't stop them from pressing their lips together. Shion was ready to go home, and Nezumi was ready to have him.


End file.
